Work It

Brian is my favorite person in the world (no offense to the rest of you) but I don't want to spend 24 hours a day with him.  This is what I keep telling myself to justify the fact that I don't want to stay home with Rhys. 

Somewhere along the way I got the idea in my head that if I loved Rhys "enough" I'd want to be a stay-at-home mom.  My infuriatingly logical brain then says, well, since you don't want to stay at home, you must not love him enough.  But, wait, brain.   I love Brian a ton and yet I don't want to be with him all day long.  So, my love for Rhys isn't flawed just because I need more in my life than taking care of him.  Ha, take that logical brain!  

When I first went back to work my desire to do so did not feel contradictory to my love for Rhys.  My precious baby was in the excellent care of his wonderful father.  Now that we're getting ready for daycare, the mommy-guilt has arrived and though its weight is heavy, I still want to work.

There are obvious reasons for my desire to work: money, personal satisfaction, adult conversation, intellectual stimulation, etc.  Perhaps less obvious is this...I love knowing that when the inevitable mistake occurs, it's just not that big of deal.  Yes I will feel bad, but Nordstrom will not go under.  I am simply not that important, thank goodness.  I frequently preach perspective to my team:  "we're not saving lives here, people!"  As a stay-at-home mom, I'd have a much tougher (impossible?) time keeping things in perspective.  Letting the inevitable mistakes roll off my back would be a serious challenge.

I think when Rhys is older, he'll understand my desire to work - he seems to have it too.  He did some supervisin' this week when Brian was mowing: