The Wynne Family: A Room for Rhys

Some people deal ok with sleep deprivation. I am not one of those people. I've always known that I need a lot of sleep, but I thought I'd be so blissed out by my sweet newborn baby that lack of sleep wouldn't be an issue. At the very least, I figured I'd have no problem napping when Rhys did ("sleep when the baby sleeps") as napping has always been a favorite hobby of mine. Neither of those proved to be true at all. Rhys was, of course, a very sweet newborn but I was not blissed out to the extent that no sleep was required. And, thanks to the crazy cocktails of hormones cursing through me plus the severe anxiety I was experiencing over feeding the little guy, I couldn't sleep when he slept. Miserable does not begin to describe how I felt. Brian reports that, yes, he felt very tired during those first weeks. I felt like I was being tortured within inches of my life.

In retrospect, a big part of the problem was that the only parenting books I'd read prior to Rhys' birth were in the vein of "attachment parenting." For those of you unfamiliar with that term, it's basically the idea that babies want and need your close, loving presence and you demonstrate that to them by wearing them in a sling all the time, breastfeeding on demand and co-sleeping. These ideas all sounded perfectly reasonable to me, so I figured I'd just put Rhys in our Ergo carrier, feed him when he was hungry, sleep with him in our bed (or at least nearby) and go about my life. Or, not. He hated the sling, breastfeeding was a nightmare and sleeping with him was awful as I was scared to move and he was LOUD (stop grunting kid!).

Attachment parenting also teaches that babies do not know how to fall asleep on their own so it's kind of cruel to just lay them down and let them fall asleep. The implication is that this will only lead to crying. So, Brian and I spent the first four months of Rhys' life making sure he was fast asleep before we put him down. Our tried and true method was to hold him while we bounced on the exercise ball.

Another sleep teaching of this philosophy is that babies will sleep when they're tired...no biggie. One book even says something to the extent of "it's not clear who needs naps more, the baby or the caretaker of the baby." As if babies don't need to nap?!? (I can say now, incredulously).

The overarching philosophy of attachment parenting is great...who wouldn't want to provide their infant with a warm, loving, reassurance presence? But, the way it plays out in the realm of sleep stinks, in my humble opinion.

For us, anyway, what has finally gotten us to a good place with regards to sleep is:

1. A crib for Rhys in his own room.
2. Watching for his drowsy signs and putting him in his crib when he's clearly sleepy, but still awake. He is learning to fall asleep on his own! An extremely important life skill. Usually he tosses and turn a bit and plays with his lovely and falls asleep within 15 minutes. If he fusses, we go to him and reassure him with a pacifier and some soothing pats. It's amazing. I wonder how many hours we spent bouncing him on that damn exercise ball when he just wanted to be put down so he could go to sleep.
2a. Making sure Rhys naps well during the day. For whatever reason, good day sleep leads to good night sleep.
3. No more swaddling. All credit goes to Brian for this. Early on, swaddling had facilitated some long stretches of sleep, so I was so scared to give it up. Brian insisted it was a good idea and he was absolutely right. Rhys clearly loves to stretch and move when he sleeps (it's actually quite entertaining to watch).

This has turned into a long sleep rant. I think I just needed to document my thoughts on all of this so if Brian and I ever brave the territory of a second child, I will remember what I've learned. I promise to make future posts more fun, uplifting and full of pictures of our sweet Rhys. In the meantime, here are some pictures of his sweet room.